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Thursday, 24 November 2011

Eye rape : The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

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The Quileute and the Volturi close in on expecting parents Edward and Bella, whose unborn child poses different threats to the wolf pack and vampire coven.


Bill Condon


Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay)Stephenie Meyer (novel)

Sorry, the movie is so bad i had to pixelate the cover as to not cause anyone else's eyes to bleed.
What can I say about this movie, it's horrible. There's no english word equivalent that would explain how I feel about the movie. Maybe I'm not much of a fan. But there's a god damn limit as to how much is fiction and how much logic my brain can comprehend till the point it would explode and I ooze purple goo out my ears.

This time (thankfully, I only watched the previous movie on this god-awful series), most of the movie revolves around Bella's(Kristen Stewart) pregnancy and for a 110-year-old virgin vampire(sad life he's had) to have sex with a necrophiliac woman for the first time. Who is apparently, also a zoophiliac. 
The gist of the story is, woman gets pregnant, everyone freaks out on whatever it is that she's giving birth to will destroy the world. 2 different clans fight it out. Some blood in a cup is drank. Some bromance thing between a vamp and a wolf, and a woman who's supposedly married is feeling complete with the company of a wolf. And the wolf is now a pedophile. Who actually 'imprinted' on a baby. *shudder*

If you read all that and you're still not in the mental institute yet, congratulations. You won the award for giving the least fuck about trying to understand the movie.
I applaud your bravery and give you my 3rd elusive testicle as an award.

The point is, there is no point in this movie. It makes as much sense to watch this movie as taking my asscheeks to a cheese grater. At the end of the credits, 3 head vampires sit on their ivory thrones with possibly the most logical sense of mind. Just sit there and talk nonchalantly about something the cullen's owing them. Maybe they forgot the cake.

Overall, this is most possibly the WORST movie i've seen so far.The only upside is that my girlfriend is now starting to hate it as well. 

I rate this movie -2 testes/5 stars

P.S. I tore out my eye out it's socket to numb the pain. What was seen cannot be unseen (ctrl-z)

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